The phatness of mizz gorgeous eliza
Kicking butt: Your date smokes, you don't
Your sweetie's perfect except for one big “but”: Smoking. Not only is it a pain doing the Altoid routine prior to every kiss, but you know darn well the health effects are horrible. But how can you get your honey to kick the habit without sounding like a nag? If you plan your strategy correctly, you can not only help your partner get healthier but strengthen your relationship, too. Here’s how: -
Just the Facts
Yes, by all means let your love interest know how much you’d like to see those cigs go away. But before you begin your campaign, remember that smokers typically quit five to ten times before quitting for good. “Withdrawal from nicotine is a complex, lengthy process that requires as much or more assistance as withdrawing from any addictive drug,” says Elaine Feeney of York College of Pennsylvania.
But quitters who are strongly motivated and get lots of support can increase their chances of sticking to it. That’s why your role is so important. Broaching the Subject“I gave my girlfriend a million health reasons to quit smoking,” says Marc Loeffler of Los Angeles. “I told her it was unsexy, too. Nothing worked.” That’s because most smokers know all the reasons they should quit. So make your case from a personal standpoint. Broach the subject with a statement like this: “I’m worried about your health and the effects of smoking on our life together. I want you around for a long time, and smoking cuts into that. I worry a lot about it. It hurts me to see you do this to yourself and to our future together.” The power of this approach is twofold.
First, since many smokers find it hard to quit for themselves, it might be the motivation s/he needs. Second, it can give you some important information about how your partner views his or her role in your life together. (And, let’s face it, if your partner isn’t moved to stop for their own sake or yours, they may not be the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.)
The right kind of supportIf your partner does agree to quit, your help can come in many forms. Simple things, like accompanying him to get a nicotine patch or making cute reminders to put around the house or in the car.
You might get more involved, joining a smoking-cessation class for quitters and their partners, or beginning a lifestyle change that’s focused on being more active. Working together with your partner to decide what level of support s/he needs provides a way to get closer on an issue that’s important to both of you.
Another great way to help is by using rewards.Partners can give rewards, too—sending flowers, cooking a nice dinner, scheduling a massage. Some of the most effective are the most personal. To help her fiancé Lars quit, Chloe Hurston of Chapel Hill, N.C. “offered him a kiss whenever he wanted a smoke. Of course, this wasn’t always practical — it’s hard to kiss and drive at the same time — but sometimes it distracted him, or reminded him that I preferred kissing a nonsmoker.”
Don’t make it more difficultBecause quitting is so hard, don’t make it harder by punishing your partner for picking up the habit again. Remember, it usually does take multiple attempts to be cigarette-free for keeps. “Be gentle, but optimistic,” Feeney counsels. “If your partner fails, consider it practice for the time when quitting will be successful. Don't give up.”
Though born and raised on Tobacco Road, writer Margot Carmichael Lester has never been a smoker. But she has, like all of us, picked up her share of bad habits over the years—and broken them with the support of some very good people.
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